“If you husband asks you to have a three-some, you should just say no.”
She goes on. “What could come next? A four-some? A five-some?”
I want to know, “What do you do if he tells you he’ll leave you if you won’t go along with it?” but as I’m asking, The Husband comes down the hall to where I'm talking on the phone.
“We have to pay for these calls!” he reminds me, giving me that incredulous, outraged look he usually saves for the times I forget to turn off the bathroom light.
We’ve been having a weird glitch with our long-distance phone plan for more than a year now. Somehow, the 1-800 number we set up to allow The Husband’s parents to call us easily when they’re on the road gets crossed with the number for the Jerry Springer Show. Really. Once or twice a week we get calls from people who want to share their opinions with the poor saps who pick up the Springer show’s 1-800 comment line for a living. Usually, we just hang up. But if I’m bored I’ll string them along for a while. I don’t get as many chances as you might think to talk to women with deep Southern accents about obscure (I hope) sexual problems. Sure, we pay by the minute, but it’s a fraction of the cost of renting a movie. And often, more entertaining.
“Is this really the Springer Show?” the woman on the other end of the phone asks, suspiciously. “Last time I called in, I won a prize.”
“Sorry, no prize today,” I said, finally hanging up. But only because I don't have the energy to pretend she's won a free trip to Chicago.
As I walk down the hall I hear The Husband picking up his office phone to make yet another call to our long-distance carrier, begging them to solve this problem. I’m sure they will. As soon as I start turning off the bathroom light.
You should be able to write a book on the telephone conversations you've had!
Posted by: Maureen | June 12, 2010 at 02:29 PM
You crack me up. I couldn't imaging where this was going when I started reading this.
That sure does answer some questions I had been having, like why Jerry Springer never called me back, and where are my free tickets to Chicago. :-)
Posted by: Annemarie | June 21, 2010 at 04:15 AM